If there's one thing I know for sure, It is that God is God and he will always be God whether we like him or not. But I like Him, so it's ok :)
If there's one thing I've noticed lately, it is that I have been writing about Him and not exactly to Him. If there's one thing that I understand completely, it is that I have no clue what I'm doing. And that makes me sad.
I had a friend. His name is Paul. He was broken. He was an Athiest. He's now a Christ lover.
I really want to know what happened.
God, I love that you have the power to melt a heart of stone. No matter how stubborn we are, you're grace and beauty, especially your love, breaks the walls we've built up. I love that to you, this is art.
You know, because I'm in college and all, you'd think that I'd develop a sense of maturity where I'd be able to keep a schedule and just run with it... My high school teachers were right. Bad habits do, indeed, follow you.
I don't know. I have such a lack of motivation to do anything productive. It kinda sucks.
So the first week of school has already officially started and I still feel like nothing has changed. Besides the fact that I now live where I learn. Because this is a new chapter of life that I'm about to explore, I feel the need to, yet again, reflect on the events of the past that mean something to me. I know that this is the point where people will find how different they are now from who they used to be. This is true between friends too.
One verse that I seem to always run into is where Jesus tells us that he did not come to bring peace but a sword. It was true then, it's true now, and it always will be true. I just don't understand why I can't let go of the past and just move on to the brighter things ahead. I don't get why I'm always clinging to the dinosaurs of my life, things that are already fossilized and happened. I find that making new friends makes me yearn even more for the ones that I already have or had. I remember when the friendships I made didn't just touch the surface of each person but dove down deep, touching our weary, beating hearts.
I yearn for that. I yearn even more to know what it is that God wants with me. As I look back on all these people who are running through my mind, I can't see how I ever mattered. Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I just feel alone and forgotten. Either way, I'm lost and I can't see.
I guess whatever this phase may be, it can be summed up into two words:
